It's a LONG road...

It was the hardest thing ever.  I went so far in my pregnancy, felt him move and all.  I had to be on bedrest for more than a month, and still he came early.  My new little precious boy was gone in the blink of an eye.  All my hopes and dreams for him, the light dimmed on them... as I watched him stare at me, and I could do nothing to save him.  As I watched him pump his little chest, my heart went out to him, I screamed for my son.  And after it was all over, I slipped into the deepest and darkest place inside myself for a long time.  I gave up on life.  But God never gave up on me.  He brought me out of that dark place and brushed the cobwebs and dust off of me.  He guided me to restore my faith.  And in Him I have faith that all we be alright and that He always has a plan, even when we cannot see it clearly.  My goodness, doesn't Father know best?  We are just little wee kids compared to the time He has been here.  He has always been here.  We are too young to even comprehend why He conducts things the way He does.  And then we think that we can do it all without Him.  We get proud and believe we can change the world without even consulting Him.  We think that we are smarter at times, or simply that we have capabilities they we do not even have.  We are not Him, even though we are of Him.  I've learned to be humble and put all my worries with Him and to ask Him for what I want to achieve and to guide me towards the way to do it.  Just ask and you shall receive.  He promised me an inheritance, and I am looking to claim it.

God, thank You for all You do and all You continue to do in my life, even when I don't have clear understanding.  I trust that you know what is best for me and will always do things in my favor for the light of you that shines in me.  Thank You Lord, because I believe.  Amen.

Austin - b.March 3, 2010 - d. March 5, 2010